Fish!!!!!

 Way back in the day, just a bit after I finished gigging frogs in the Fakhatchee Strand, I moved out to THE GOLDEN COAST and went to "Escuela Secundaria"!!!!   I was ranked in the top ten tennis players of my age in all of Florida (and Denmark!!) and I looked forward to sharing my t - chops with the mighty SEA KINGS!!!! Las Corornas del Mar, hermano!!!  Las Coronas!!  This ain't Pickle ball or Badminton and I had speed, power and flow in spades!!!!!  The Kings could surely use a monster of my talents on the court!! 

Turns out though, that there are a lot of ass kicking tennis players in Puerta Nueva!!!  Those rich little white boys were like mini McEnroes, and Bjorns Borg, Bro!!!! After a few punishing practices and tryouts, I almost started to frown!!!!  The coach, he was real cool like, he was young and hip and had a banging salad!!! Blonde mustache!!! Yellow 914!!!  Well, he pulled me aside and he said to me (real gentle like), "Yo Bee!!  You've really got some potential!!!  I really like your racquet and there's no question those shorts look good on you!! Shoe choice is spot on, as well!!!  Unfortunately buddy, we're not going to be able to find a spot for you on our squad, but we want you to know that you've got some skills with a racquet!!! Did you ever think about Badminton? ??"  I would have started to cry but I realized that I didn't give a shit!!!!!  I went to talk to Sr. Pez!!!!

My favorite Maestro at that school was Mr. Fish!!! He was the coolest teacher I ever had:  he taught me how to be cool, kind, friendly, open, accepting, tolerant but productive, driven but kind!!! Mr. Fish

never made fun of your shoes!!!  Mr Fish liked sea food!!! He was cool like that!!!!

Hah!! Badminton??!!  I did kick ass at Badminton!! Badminton brought me riches beyond my wildest dreams!! People around the world know me as the King of the Shuttlecock!!!! I'm in favor of every sport that has cock on the equipment list!!!!  Super stoked on the "Good Glove"!!! Hah!!!!

I was in Nobu in BH9r the other day!!!  What else am I gonna do about my BULGING pockets??  Anyways, Rihanna was there and gorging on Seafood!!! Who can blame her????  She's always expressed her love of La Comida del Mar!!!   Comida del Mar for Los Coronas del Mar!!!!!  

Sunday!!!

My friend Ra Lo is my favorite Wasian!!!!!  They were born on Juneteenth bro!!!!! Can you imagine???Do you know how many times Juneteenth has fallen on a Sunday in the last 60 years????  It's been about 11!!!  Eleven Juneteenths:  party time brother!!!!  Crazy!!! My favorite was 2011, of course!!!!  Remember that one???  Me neither!!!!!  Ha!

Ra Lo is the King of Karoke!!  Ra Lo is a Master of Krav Maga.  He taught me the 5 most important words I know:  Duck First, Then Fist!!!!!!

2 inch love Ra Lo!!!  They the best!!! They put this little ditty together in honor of their friend Ra Lo!!!  Happy Juneteenth Ra Lo:

Shrinkflation!!!

 

Broooooooooo!!!!!  You know the Dooginator is not one to make disparaging statements about anyone or anything, right?!  It's not how I rolls, yo?!!  So I won't tell you the name of the store that he bought these bags from - umm, I'll just say that it rhymes with "Safeway"!!!!  Anyhoo:  I opened the box to discover this:

Crazy, right????!!!  The box was completely empty!!  Dang!  Was I mad, though??? Hell no bruddah!!!  I got no time for anger or angst!!!  And I'm not trying to brag or anything, but I'm rollin' in dough!!! What's a few bucks for an empty box and some minor inconvenience????  It ain't worth gettin my "nuts in a twist" as Bo Scott would say.  It matters not!!! (As Morey Valet would say.)  

The kids in 2inch Weekend don't really mince words though!!!  The doogster digs Mr Smith Goes to Town!!!

 

You're Cancelled!!!!!

Neil Hefti!!!!! You're Cancelled!!!!! Everyone is so quick to be offended these days, Bro!!!!!!!!!  I mean, seriously!  George Washington:  you owned slaves - you're cancelled!!!  Abraham Lincoln:  you wanted to send all the black people back to Africa - you're cancelled.  Elon Musk:  you paid a ridiculous amount of money for one of the most well known brands in the world and changed it into the letter X - you're cancelled!!! AND you had a bunch of kids with a bunch of different women, but might not be that involved in raising them.  You're definitely cancelled Elon!!!!! Maybe the Doogster has come down with the "Woke Mind Virus". Just because I'm gay AND a racist, does that make me "Gaycist"?  Hey Towel Daddy Phatwa:  you're cancelled!!!!  Anywho........what makes a song great????  A catchy melody?? A sweet chord progression??? Ridiculously mysogynistic lyrics??  A bangin' bone solo??  Maybe.  It matters not to 2 Inch Weekend.  They're just into songs that they like, regardless of the appropriateness of the content or who might be offended by the quaint sentiments expressed therein!!! Case in point:  Girl Talk!!  

So baby stay and gab away, but hear me say

that after Girl Talk, talk to me.  Talk to me!!!!

 

Fins to the Left, Fins to the Right

 Brohemian!!!!!!!!! I was hanging in Wayside Log, with JB Bud E Luv and CoCo!! It was after the "Cremation of Care" when we were gearing up for the Boho Variety show.  And by gearing up, I mean, you know, sippin the sauce and munching some gummies!  Bud E says to JB, "Damn Jimmy.  You da man!  You turned one song into a billion dollars."  "True Dat" says Coco.  So Jimmy says to me, he says, "Doogie - when I'm up on stage I want you to go find Baxman up by the Firehouse.  Maybe grab "It" if you can.  You got to get me some footage when I'm on stage.  I don't want to sound like crap and have a hissy fit like the Fat Fuck!!!!"  Of course, BeDugan did that cuz he always does what people ask him to!!!! And so should you Bro Ho!!!!

Fins to the Left, Fins to the Right

Is PT really "Blackberry"???????

 

Hey Brethren!!!!!!!!!  So, a lot of people have been asking me a'boot Walter Flav and Juan Wayne Florence and their sometimes friend PT! Do you guys remember when loopy Sue and the spectrum kids found that little koneko in the blackberry bushes adjacent to the Beach House????  That was a while ago right???  Those keiki were obsessed with that little feral beast!!!  We gave them copious amounts of kibble which they would put in empty yogurt containers to feed the little creach!  He was super chill for a wild one and they would spend hours out there - by the spiky invasive vegetation trying to coax him out!! They named the little guy "Blackberry", proving that not all spectrum kids are creative savants!!!  They wanted to adopt him but their makua put

the kybosh on that toot sweet!!!!!  The doogster and Loopy Sue both felt that the popoki needed an ohana, so we convinced Postmaster Gail to adopt him and he moved into her double wide!!!  We all forgot a'boot him as time went on!!  Years later,  BeDugan was walking back from the PO with the boyz and this super chubby and extremely vocal tabby followed us back to the beach house, babbling incessantly,bro!!  We shared some kibble with him and he's bin hanging around ever since!!  Now he's pretty much part of the team who are all united against the odious "Hector", the freakishly tall tuxedo gato that constantly tries to rumble!!  With EVERYONE!! Including BeDugan!!!!! The garrulous and slightly obese tabby adopted the moniker PT!  No one is sure why!!  The Doogmeister saw Loopy Sue not long ago and she posited this bombshell:  she thinks PT may actually be "Blackberry"!!!!  Who knows????? Postmaster Gail moved out of the double wide years ago and no one is sure what became of Blackberry!!  Did he find his way back to his old stomping grounds and insert himself into an established colony???  He is suspiciously large for a "homeless" feline, but he has a good heart!!!  Our friends in 2 inch Weekend decided to record a little tribute to the mostly happy menagerie!!!:

Incredisauce!!!!!!!!!!

Hey brah!!!!!!!!! So I was at TJs the other day and I ran into Emily Haskell (Eddie's brother)!!  Damn!  It'd been years since I'd seen her!  She was just a kid in them days, navigating the treacherous shores of teenage daydreams, when Cabeza Blanco told her that he had a crush on her and that he wanted to take her to Zumba!!  In a sad coincidence, her dad was in the process of trading her mother in for a newer model!!!  Gnarly!  She was suitably horrified and traumatized!!  So was I!  Now, a decade or more later, she's got this sweet gig at the Doogster's favorite store!!  Better yet:  she gives me the wink, wink, nudge nudge and says, "You got to try this, Mr. Dugan!!" and she hands me a bottle of Incredisauce!!!!  OMG: totally Ono!!!

 

A Brush with Doogness!!!!!

 Brrrrrroooooooooooo!!!!!  Another amazing day!!  I was having some fried lemon slices at Hopmonk with my old lady and who should walk in but my old friend Brett Dennen!!!  It's like we're the same person except that he's enormous and much more disheveled!!  I'd forgotten how tall he is - like someone put Bruno Mars on top of Guy Fieri!!! Then made him an unkempt Ginger with gigantic nerd glasses!!! I wanted to grab a hacky sack!!!  He's all like, "Bee, come jam with me!!!  We have the same initials!!".  No can do Brettster!  I've got to go buy some new fashion at Nordstrom's!!!  So he breaks out his guitar and starts warming up!!!!

 

My old lady says, "Who is that woman singing?"  I chuckled and guffawed!!!!  That ain't no woman - that's my friend Brett!!!!!  Anyways..........I went back to the beach house and it was staggeringly beautiful, as always!!!!!

 

I saw this creature that looked like a hummingbird, but is actually White Lined Sphynx moth!!!!!!!:

 

Next thing you know I'll be paddling out at Pipeline with Jack Johnson and Yo Yo Ma!!!  Sickkkkkkkkkk!

Blessed Bee the Poor!!!!!!!!

Duüùúūuûüùúde!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  So everyone has bin asking me, "Where you bin, Sir Doogs a lot?????"  I know right??  Where have we all bin, am I right????  Seriously, I bin enjoying the SIP like nobody's biznitch.  What could be better?

1. You can't leave your HOUSE!!!
2. You must be ALONE!!!
3. You cannot WORK!!!!

It's a Doogster's Paradise.

It's like Sensi said when he called me he said, "Bee.  You've bin the King of Social Distancing since 1980".  True dat!!!!!  Why would anyone to want to leave the Beach House????  The only reason I ever leave the house is to exercise, bro, so I took a few hikes up on Heroin Hill with my brethren, Juan Juan Florence, and Big Pussy.  It ain't bad:  light elevation gain, heavy cardio! How many steps do you get a day, blee??

Another thing that bdugan likes to do is to get a lil' furry in the puffs, if you "garnish my driveway".  ADOG and I did a stealth mission to the Yacht Club yesterday.   We rigged big, as always since it's all a'boot being speedy,  marie.  We were pinching like nobody's business, but ADOG is always dialed and I ended up sucking dirty air.  It matters not (as Morey Valet) would say, cuz we were all stoked even though we had to dodge some teabaggers.

It's like the kids say: 100 bad days make a 100 good stories!!

Can't wait for the party Mate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'll Bee there with my bangin' salad!

Broooooooo!!!!  I've been doing some tasty rides in the hills in front of the beach house!  Crazy climbs, screaming single track, gnarly down hills!!!!  Feels sooo good, Chuck Mangione!!!!  My new titanium knee is better than ever, brah!!!  I like to climb up to the Islands in the Sky, to get above the fog that stretches from the Rivermouth past the VG!!  Riding my Stumpy hard tail almost always lifts the weight off, (if you garnish my driveway).  It's not hard to be positive when your hearts beating at 160 b.p.m. and you're sucking air so hard that you can't think of nothing else.  It def helps me to keep my glow going. 

Crazy day at the Creek, Bruddah!!!!  Super sweet glassy conditions and some HH S. swell rollers coming through!!!  Some poor fisherman fell asleep and woke up in the surf zone!!! Rescue swimmers were dispatched and were able to help the injured skipper to shore!!!  Hooray for the lifeguards!!! Hooray for Coast Guard!!!  Let's hope this poor guy gets his boat/house rescued and back in business!!!

Looking Good and Looking for a Real Good Time!!!!!!!!

Bang!!!!!!! Things couldn't get much more KICK ASS than they are right now, blahlah!!!!! The sun is out after a few days of COLD AND GRAY!!!! But it's all good!! No bitterness here!!!! Large and Slim are out behind the beach house - you know: just hanging a'boot enjoying the blue skys!!! It's a perfect day to listen to some new CeeLo!!!


It don't get much better than that!!!! Enjoy friend!!!!

The Leader of the Band!!!

well hello it's never been like this before
and i know you've got a big surprise in store
if i could have whatever's in your mind
i would never let it go

i was scared too restless to do anything
so i'm sure that there's a song and how i sing it
but i can rest assured it will be allright
she's the leader of the band

so take my hand

cuz your the leader of the band
and it's allright baby

with every song you sing
you can do anything
day or night yeah

0000

now look everybody here must agree
don't you know the heart is out for melody
you better bring yourself to work it out
she's the leader of the band

so take my hand baby
cuz your the leader of the band
and it's allright baby
with every song you sing
you know you can do anything day or night aaa

bring yourself to work it out she's the leader of the band

and I'm up so right she's the leader of the band!!!!!!!

Bro!!!! I'm wondering whether Lewis Taylor is really the leader of the band!!!! The Band Gnarls Barkley!!! He's their bass player dude!!!  And we all know how the Doogster loves him some Gnarls!!!! and some Lost Album by Lewis Taylor!!!! Get you some and enjoy!!!!

Bru!!!!!

Ain't that what all the kids are saying now???!!!  Or maybe that was last year!  I can't remember cuz time flies when you're BDugan!!!  It's true what you heard:  that the Doogster got pretty down when Master Fly M Large and Pimp Daddy F Slim were lost to a carnivorous predator!!!  After blastin my nostrils with some special K though, I recovered enough to fly to Phoenix to pick up my new friends:  Juan Wayne, and Walta Flav!!!  They've been staying with me at the Beach House and laying down some SICK beats!!!!!  Dude, these cats can spit it!! I'm just sayin'!!!!!!!  We can't wait for summer, brah!!!!!

FENG FU!!!!!!

Hey Bro!!!!!!  Put an ice cube on your "wind mansion" and reap the many benefits:

Better Sleep!
Better Digestion!
Less Joint Pain!
Help with Sexually Transmitted Diseases!

and, of course:  Gluten Intolerance!!!!!

Just Do It!!!!!  You won't be sorry!!!!!

RIP Pimp Daddy F Slim!!!!!!

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!!!!!!!  So sorry to report the sad demise of my good bro Pimp Daddy F Slim!!!!!!  Large and I believe that Slim may have been the victim of a bobcat attack behind the beach house!!!!! Large, himself, had a life or death encounter with a much larger Lynx Rufus last Saturday - He was attacked and dragged down into the water and mud!!!!!!!!!!!    Thankfully, there were some city slickers nearby who thwarted the violent assault because even Large is not large enough to do battle with a bob cat!!!!!!!!!  Dude:  Bobcats even attack sharks!!!!!:

Master Fly M Large is on the mend and no longer in shock - in fact he still wants to go outside and even BEHIND THE BEACH HOUSE!!!!!!!!

Holy Crinoli!!!!!!!!

Me and Large

I'm sitting here with Master Fly M Large and thinking a'boot the lottery.  And how I've already won it!!!!  I live in a beautiful beach house in the most beautiful spot on the planet!!!!!  I have a KICKASS transit and a boatload of dough!!!!! I ride my Jesus boards and hang out with Leonardo DiCaprio!!!  Well not really with Leo so much anymore - or at all - ever!!!!!!!  But WTF bro!!!!! My life is dulcisimo!!!

It's a Sign!!!!!

The most amazing thing happened to me the other day, Bro!!!!!! I was "clearing some brush" like W, out in back of the beach house when I saw a gaggle of otters swimming like gangbusters in my direction!!!! I made like I was a tree, brah - you know, all still like, when the little bastards charged out of the water and up the steps toward me!!! I don't think they realized that the Doogster was there until the got a'boot 10 ft away from me!!!! Suddenly, the lead otter realized something wasn't kosher and spotted me in his path and all 7 of them flipped around and splashed back into the water!!!! Message received Poseidon!!!!!!

A Beautiful Day at the Beach House!!!!!

Hey Bro!!!!!!! It was such a beautiful day here that I decided to take a trip on my Jesus Board behind the Beach House.  It was soooooo glassy friend!! Not a breath of wind save the prana flowing in and out of my spirit bathing me in an even greater euphoria than I normally feel!   Holy Shit!  I was about to blast a load but I was relaxed at the SAME TIME!!! I paddled north, like the Miwok must have back in the day!!!  Up past the VG pool and around Patterson Point - paddle - glide - breathe - paddle - glide - breathe: body, mind, spirit, and environment in perfect harmony!!!!  The whole experience fucking the mayor in the biggest of ways!!!

I heard the cry of an osprey and looked up to see the graceful raptor flying up into the giant redwoods!!!  As you can clearly see in the photograph to the right, he had a huge stick in his talons, no doubt bringing an addition to his already ridonculus crib!!!!  Later I spied a blue heron wading in the shallows where the ludwigia will grow stealthily spearing small fish in the shallows!!!  Holy crap!!! Earth Abides!!!!!  I was super stoked to get these amazing images!!!!  The wildlife is so clear!!! It's my lucky day brah!!!
I couldn't believe the blessings of living in such a paradise.  I continued on my way even more blissed out than usual!!!!

I heard some splashing and was surprised to see a seal that had a giant salmon in it's mouth, as you can see by the incredible photo above!!!!  I know what you're thinking:  Be is truly a renaissance man - super handsome, athletic, intelligent, enlightened and a great photographer to boot!!!!!  Don't despair friend!!!  You have some really good qualities too!!!!  And you're always welcome to visit Vacation Wonderland!!!!!

Check this 'oot!!!

so glassy bro!!!

Duuuuuuuuuuuuude!!!! Went for a quick one behind the beach house yesterday right before crepescule, when the water was so smooth it looked like ice!  Hot damn - I'm one of the lucky ones, bro and so are you!!!  We are each getting what we need at this point and tiempo - even if it don't feel like it ATM !!!! Which is not to say that we don't all have regrets, doubts, insecurities too, but the sweetness of it all is that they are all part of the plan as well!!  It matters not (as Morey Valet would say) if we don't see the perfection that is in front of us.  Our perceived imperfections only make everything more perfect:  right here, right now!!!!  Bang!!!

I was thinking about my old friend the vibester today!!  It was such a blessing to meet up again so many years after he got tired of kissing my white ass!!!!  Sadly, I lost touch again after our serendipitous encounter in Vacation Wonderland!!!  Perfect???  Yeah probably!!! He'd probably go all aggro on me for riding Jesus boards!!!!!

so glassy bro!!!

Guido Don't Need No Stinkin' License Plates!!!!

Duuuuuuuuuuuude!!!! It's pretty KICK ASS bein' Be Dugan!!!! I know what you're thinking: "Duh- Beach House, Bodacious Babes, Bucks and .....you know!!!!!" Well, here's another really cool thing: my personal magnetism draws the rich and famous to me like flies to dookie, Bro!!!!! Like today, I was in Wally World picking up supplies for the upcoming rehearsals of the Love Chorus when I saw this tool dressed up as Guy Fieri!!!! He had that perfectly coiffed spiky peroxide doo, big gold chains and earrings, Dolce and Gabbanas backwards on his neck, stains up and down his arms and leg - the whole kit and kaboodle so to say!!!! I was thinking, "Man that guy has a lot of sack posing as Guido and walking into Wally World!!!! Like Guido would ever go into the world's largest retailer!!"

Well, as it turns oot, this guy was dressed like Guido, because he was Guido!!!! All kinds of "People of Wally World" were going up to him and posing for pictures and getting autographs and such!! He was being pretty cool a'boot it - He seemed almost as happy as I am!!! Lucky Bastard!!! He was there with a group of rich kids who were apparently on some sort of scavenger hunt that involved a set amount of money and a time limit!!!! I know this because I was forced to stand in line behind them while the celebrity took their photos with his iPhone and kept a running count on the amount of time they had left!!! One of the kids looked like a mini Rankin' Roger!!! When Guido spotted me he immediately suggested that we head to the men's room to compare shlong size, but I demurred. I did follow them to the parking lot where the rich teens got into a chauffeur driven Limo bus, and Guido got into a really sweet custom Jeep with gigantic dubs and not a speck o mud to be seen!!! I guess the rich and famous don't have to have license plates, cuz that's how Guido rolls!!!!!!

Suitably Gnarlacious

Another SICK day behind the Beach House Bro!!!!!!! Sure there were crowds, and a bit of nag wind providing texture, but seriously, dude, who could ask for more??? Sun?? Lemuria rising out of the depths??? A breakfast burrito from Wavos??? Do yourself a favor and watch "Unsalted"!!!! You won't complain a'boot Gordita Beach ever again!!!!

Grand Hotel!!!!!

BBBRRROOOOOOO!!! I was having spontaneous ogies in my pants today because I'm so stoked that the new Explorers Club record is out!!!!! What a mess!!!! This recording kicks some serious ASS!!!! Those guys really have some pipes!!!! And songwriting chops to boot!!!! I can't get enough of their sweet dulcet tones!!! You should purchase "Grand Hotel" immediatamente (if not sooner)!!!!!

A Brush with Doogness!!!!

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!!!!!! I stopped in to WildFlour on my way to D-Beach to grab a coconut-ginger-peach vegan scone (OH MY GATO!!!! Delicioso!!) Relieved I was, friend, to find just a scattering of people in there, cuz the lines usually bustin out the door!! I looked over by the coffee pots and saw a certain Rock and Roll Hall of Famer furtively drinking coffee and waiting for a suspiciously large order of breads and biscotti!!!! I'm pretty sure he could sense my awesomeness, because he gave me an index finger salute above his coffee cup when I gave him a knowing nod!!!! So I took a step to my right and said, "I'm really diggin' your latest album bro!!!!! But I'm not really sure that it's as good as some of your earlier work!!!". And he said!!!!"Not good you say? Ha Ha Ha!!! Well that's good enough for me, Be!!!"

Me Be????? Sweeeeeeeeet!!!!!!!!!


(I'm JKing you a'boot telling TW that his new album isn't as goood as his previous work, bro!!!! I just told him that I liked it and that I really like the song "Kiss Me"!!!!He was totally gracious and said, "Cool. Thanks a lot.")